The abyss between what I need, what I want, and what I do or ask for
In my opinion, for those who don't know what they want, NOTHING serves. It's what I call chronic dissatisfaction. A life of doing and consuming things that simply don't make sense.
“For those who don't know what they want, anything will do.” I couldn't disagree more with that statement.
In my opinion,for those who don't know what they want, NOTHING serves. It's what I call chronic dissatisfaction. A life of doing and consuming things that simply don't make sense.
I summarizedhereand spoke in more detail about each pillar and axis of Nonviolent Communication in previous articles, but I will return to it superficially in this text to contextualize:
According to NVC, when noticing a discomfort, it's important that I know how to separate what actually happened from the stories I told myself, then identify and name feelings to, from there, investigate which unmet needs are behind this discomfort. Once this is done, it becomes easier to arrive at a request that truly serves me, not just on the surface.
In other words, after reflecting and going through the axes (empathy and authenticity) and the first 3 pillars (observation, feelings, and needs), we can be prepared to make a request.
The problem is that most of the time we want to “ask” or “demand” things out of habit, or because we think this is “normal,” without knowing what’s behind it. And that’s what I’m going to talk about today, becauseit costs our pockets dearly to want things “just because.”
Everything we do or ask for is to meet our universal human needs
I'll repeat:Everything we do is to meet our human needs.
What are these needs? They are what connect us as beings. Everyone has the same needs. Yes,we, human beings, want the same things. And I have a list of some of these thingshere.
But the world is so disconnected that we only reproduce behaviors, and consumerism is the most blatant and evident form of this. We do a lot of things, to get more money, to buy and do more things, “just because.” That’s how it is. And we forget to nurture the most basic needs like affection, connection, belonging (real, not ostentation), authenticity, support…
A large part of people are broken, emotionally and financially, as a consequence of wanting many things and abandoning what they truly need.So my request today is that you know if what you want to ask for is really important or just a superficial quick fix. A band-aid for a deeper wound. In the list I left above, there might be a clue about what you need.
Sometimes we really want a new pair of shoes, when what we truly need is a hug.
What do you want to ask for today? From whom? And if you could make a request for yourself?
If you're not clear about the need behind it, perhaps it's best not to ask for anything for now.
It costs a lot to make requests - for ourselves and for others - that don't serve us. It costs our relationships, our health, energy… and a lot of money.
Thank you very much and see you next week!