The dynamics of power and submission and their impact on the relationship with money

Money and you: who's in charge and who obeys?

NVC believes that the reason we live surrounded by violence is that we continue to reproduce a system that was born and developed based on relationships of submission and power, which always seek the “right” and the “wrong.” Reward and punishment. To maintain my power and rewards, I need to prove the other person wrong, or a villain.And it is this logic that distances us from what is humanand makes our relationships so difficult.

I used to see money as something I owned and that should serve me. But understanding that it is something Irelate tochanged everything. I started by assuming that this relationship mattered a lot and, therefore, I would take better care of it.

Healthy relationships don't work on the basis of “who's in charge and who obeys.” And with finances, it doesn't have to be that way either.This type of dynamic only harms you. Besides being violent, it doesn't help you connect with money. And what brought me here was making peace with money. Not that I didn't like it; quite the opposite. But it was confusing for me.I didn't understand its place in my life and, therefore, it didn't meet my real needs, even though I spent a lot(even irresponsibly).

What do you mean, Rúbia?

I made spending decisions to “reward” myself for other stresses, but then the “punishment” came in the form of debt, overdraft, and maxed-out credit limits. When I had money, I “empowered” myself. After spending everything, I lost all power of choice, even for the simplest things.Toxic, right?And I put “empowered” in quotes because today I see how I was actually using money as an escape. Empowerment wasn't even close; quite the opposite.

Perhaps you don't “spend everything” or are not in debt. But without a healthy relationship with money, you might find yourself accepting any job or boss, just for the money. In the long term, this becomes a lifetime of work, for a retirement that never comes, or drags on with a scarcity of resources.

Making peace with money is not about romanticizing or minimizing how much worry money brings. 

Sometimes we do feel angry. It's aboutconsciously and maturely looking at our discomforts. Because money is an important tool that demands care, and in this dynamic of submission and power, it's very easy to get lost, look for culprits, and outsource responsibility.

You can love or hate money. But in the current context, it is a tool of extreme importance. Making peace with it means understanding and nurturing that relationship.

Without right and wrong, without punishments and rewards, but with presence and awareness. With the responsibility to deal maturely with finances,to truly make your life better in essence, not just in appearance.

Thank you very much and see you next week!