We aim for authenticity and end up with the herd effect

It is the obsession with standard strategies that blinds us to what is most important.

Normal. Normalcy. Norm. What is culturally imposed on us and we reproduce, even if it makes no sense at all.

We aim for authenticity and end up with the herd effect. We want respect and recognition as unique individuals, but we behave to fit into places and relationships. We repeat patterns all the time so automatically, that even what has been culturally normalized gets confused with what is natural to human beings, intrinsic. This dynamic is very costly.

We follow ready-made formulas for lives and people who are unique, who do not represent us. And we are broken: physically, emotionally, and financially, spending everything we have (time, money, and energy) to “achieve” what someone labeled as success.We lose ourselves.

Why do we look more outward than inward?

Since childhood, we look for references. I follow close examples to connect, to belong. As adults, these influences also come from other environments. So, if asked how much money we need, we rarely look inward and do the math. We look at someone we take as an example and how much we would need to have THAT life.

The internet constantly shows us things we didn't even know we “needed.” How do you feel about so many images of supposedly happy and successful people on social media?

We need to separate what is psychological from what is financial. Becauseif your basic needs are already met, the chances of more money making you happier are low.The same mind that IMPRISONS us in addictions, psychological baggage, and comparisons, is the mind that wants more money to be “freer.”

And speaking of freedom, the author of the best-seller “Zen – The Art of Living with Simplicity,” Shunmyo Masuno, explains how focusing on the here and now can free us. According to him, by stopping comparing yourself to others, 90% of your obsessions will disappear. Avoiding competitive behavior, he says, is the Zen way to prevent anxiety.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb says that “true success is abandoning unbridled dispute and beginning to modulate our activities with the aim of obtaining peace of mind”

Even knowing that comparisons may not be healthy, often they are a defense, especially for those living on autopilot: When I look outward, the answer comes “ready-made.” Even if it's a solution or example that doesn't make sense to me, apparently I save energy by not reinventing the wheel. Furthermore, following a ready-made formula disarms the burden of my responsibility, should it not work. After all, "it wasn't my idea," I "just believed and trusted."

I have been insistent about looking inward and truly taking the lead in choices, but is there another way? Has it worked for us humans to look so much outward?

Thank you very much and see you next week!